NHJ’s Dignam with Week #9 NFL Picks
Thursday games start this week! I’m writing this at about 5 on Thursday, so the NFL Network will have already done us the favor of showing a game without Joe Thiesman crapping all over it with his horrible commentary.
The Thursday games snuck up on me this year, and I pride myself on consuming as much football news as humanly possible. It was like finding $20 in a pair of pants, or a youtube video of Rick Perry looking moronic that I HAVEN’T seen. On to the picks!
Picks are in CAPS
Oakland at SAN DIEGO -7 (THURSDAY GAME WOOOOOOOO!)
If I’m Jason Campbell, I’m positively giddy that Carson Palmer is going down in flames like he is. Campbell had that team at 4-2 before he got hurt, and now it looks like Hue Jackson traded his whole draft for the guy that can get his team in a position to not have any picks to take Andrew Luck. Are we sure Al Davis died?
Pittsburgh at CINCINNATI +3
Ever think, as a Patriots fan, you’d be afraid of the Bengals coming to Foxboro for a playoff game? Me either. Marvin Lewis might just be the greatest coach of all time. I’m dead serious. If he get the Bengals in the ‘yoffs this year, that will be 3 times with Mike Brown as an owner, a man who spends less money on his team than Michele Bachmann would give to the Black Lesbian Alliance for Free Abortions.
Denver at KANSAS CITY -3
This line should be at LEAST 6 points . Tebow single handedly drives the line down, which is ironic, because his most fervent supporters probably think you go to hell for gambling or something.
Jacksonville at INDIANAPOLIS +3
Well, if they’re gonna get one, it has to be this week. I personally think Manning will come back for the last two games, just to make damn sure the Colts don’t end up with the first pick. And then make 234234 MORE crappy commercials.
BUFFALO +5.5 at Dallas
The Jets kind of showed that the league might have caught up to Buffalo, but I’m trusting Tony Romo to choke on his own vomit in this one. We haven’t seen it for a few weeks, it’ll be a comforting feeling.
Houston at TAMPA BAY +3
I’m still convinced that Houston will find a way to miss the playoffs. Gary Kubiak consistently gets less with more than anyone outside of John Huntsman’s campaign manager
Tennesee at CAROLINA -3.5
Who the hell is QBing the Titans again? (checks nfl.com) Matt Hassleback? STILL? Someone tried to argue with me that Cam Newton is not as good as Andy Dalton, and I was so offended by his stupidity that I called him a racist. JUST SO HE WOULD BE AS UPSET AS I WAS.
Washington at MIAMI -4
Have you seen how red Mike Shanahan’s skin is? I’m not even making this up. Check it out: http://www.joesportsfanstl.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/mike-shanahan-red-face-575×401.jpg “Redskins” isn’t just a racist mascot to Shanahan, it’s a WAY OF LIFE
NEW ORLEANS at Atlanta PK
Oooooo a pick ‘em! Money in the bank. Only you and I have caught on to the fact that Atlanta secretly sucks, and evidently you haven’t told anyone either, so our secret is safe.
DETROIT +3 at Chicago
Are there two more boring teams to watch than the Bears and Giants? Everything about them gives me narcolepsy. I’m going to try and watch only the Detroit on offense parts of this game, I see enough of Chicago’s “We have to keep 7 men in to block because our O-Line is such a tire fire” schemes in HS football.
St. Louis at CLEVELAND -2.5
The Madden Curse has really done a number on Peyton Hillis. He’s Marcellus Wallace this year, and The Madden Curse has been Zed.
Arizona at PHILADELPHIA (-14)
Yes, 14 is a big number to lay when you’re talking about an Andy Reid coached team, but the Eagles are due to get a big win, to get their whispy moustache wearing fans back on the bandwagon. It’s just a shame that Kevin Kolb won’t be healthy enough to show Philly fans exactly how terrible he would have been for them.
BALTIMORE -6.5 at Seattle
Is anyone as sick of Ray Lewis’ pregame screaming at his teammates routine as I am? Actually it isn’t Ray’s fault. The Networks show this thing every week, and I think even HE’S getting tired of it. I’m pretty sure last week it was “THAT TEAM OVER THERE? YOU THINK THEY RESPECT US?!? WELL IN FACT, THEY PROBABLY DO, BUT WE ARE CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO TRY AND DEFEAT THEM!!”
NY Giants at SAN FRANCISCO -3.5
You know, if Green Bay wasn’t kicking so much ass, this would be an NFC Championship preview. Think about that; Alex Smith has been stinking up the 4 pm games for 7 years now, and he might be playing for the right to go to the Super Bowl this year. Maybe those nutjobs that call “Coast to Coast AM” about 2012 being the end of the world are on to something.
NEW ENGLAND +1.5 at NY Jets
I’ll admit it- I’m in full panic mode. Gronkowski is the only one doing anything on offense, and the Patriots REFUSE to try running the ball with any sort of consistency. Fortunately Mark Sanchez is one of the few QB’s that can make the Pats D look competent.
Minnesota at GREEN BAY -13.5
Barring an Aaron Rodgers injury, Green Bay is going back to back this year. I just hope Rodgers sends Brett Favre some “special” pictures once he gets Lombardi Trophy #2.
Enjoy the games!!
Last Week: 6-7