NHJ’s Dignam with NFL week #11 Picks
Week 11 already! I’m already mourning the loss of this NFL season, even though we will still have it until February. It must be like how a Rick Santorum supporter feels putting those signs up, even though they know Rick and his insane social views would need a time machine back to 1830 to have any shot at the Presidency.
Wait, what were we saying? Nevermind. ON TO THE PICKS!!
Picks are in CAPS.
You Tebow loving people can’t be serious, right? You know he’s 5 levels beyond terrible, don’t you? DON’T YOU? I’m convinced that this Tebow love fest is an ironic “love something that sucks” thing, like having a bad moustache, or voting for Herman Cain.
TENNESSEE +6 at Atlanta
Did Las Vegas not watch either of these teams last week? That Mike Smith decision on 4th down in OT is the kind of thing that ruins a season. It’s like when the girl you’re dating Googles you, and finds that borderline psychotic rant on blogger about the girl that broke your heart. Things just aren’t gonna go well after that.
What, that’s only happened to me? Moving on….
BUFFALO +2 at Miami
How can Miami possibly be GIVING points to a team above .500??? I know the Bills have peaked, but still. The ‘Phins have beaten the Chiefs and Redskins un their modest two game winning streak, but having them as a favorite here is like expecting Rick Perry to win a GOP debate after successfully winning an argument with a 3rd grader. Which, by the way, would be the best Rick Perry you tube video EVER.
CINCINNATI +7 at Baltimore
This pick is based purely on the fact that I think Crappy Joe Flacco is due to make an appearance. He’s been sitting back, biding his time, just WAITING for me to put a full sheet on the Ravens, only to show up and throw 3 picks. YOU’RE NOT FOOLING ME, FLACCO!!!
JACKSONVILLE +1 at Cleveland
There’s the very real possibility that this game ends in a 3-3 tie, so I’m taking the point. Next.
OAKLAND -1 at Minnesota
Vegas doesn’t trust Oakland to the point where they’re only laying 1 against a Minnesota team that basically took a collective dump on the field at Green Bay last week. More unsuccessful Minnesota thing: Michelle Bachman’s presidential run, Jesse Ventura’s conspiracy show, or Donovan McNabb? Discuss.
Carolina at DETROIT -7
Two teams going in the same direction: Down. This game reminds me of the Buddy Roemer/Gary Johnson/Rick Santorum debate in Hampton last week: Good for a few highlights, maybe a few laughs, but ultimately lacking any relevance.
Tampa Bay at GREEN BAY -14
Yes, Green Bay has a lousy defense. IT DOESN’T MATTER. Aaron Rodgers is on a roll like Louis CK right now: Whatever he’s doing, I want to watch it.
DALLAS -7.5 at Washington
That whole John Beck thing worked out nicely, eh Shannahan? I’d say that QB play is a much more disgusting act in DC than anything congress is doing. A short list of QB’s that Washington fans have had to watch: Grossman, Beck, McNabb, Jason Campbell, Todd Collins, Mark Brunelle, Patrick Ramsey. Yick.
Arizona at SAN FRANCISCO -9.5
This 49er team could be the only team to have a shot at beating Green Bay in the NFC. They possess the ball for large chunks of clock with a strong running game, they play really solid D, they don’t turn the ball over, and they don’t ask Alex Smith to do anything crazy. I’m not saying they WILL beat Green Bay, but I’m not betting against it either.
Now back to your regularly scheduled bad jokes.
SEATTLE +2 at St. Louis
Only because I have to pick one of these trainwrecks. There’s a higher likelihood of Amelia Chasse showing up at a Karaoke contest in Rochester than this game showing up on my TV.
San Diego at CHICAGO -3.5
OK FINE I’LL START PICKING CHICAGO. If they’re going to keep killing teams, I guess I don’t have a choice. Jay Cutler still seems like a guy that would hit on your girlfriend as soon as you went to the bathroom at the bar. Maybe he could be Herman Cain’s running mate!
Philadelphia at NY GIANTS -4
This line could skyrocket as soon as Vince Young is announced as the starter. Get your bets in now, and thank me later when the line is 8.5 .
Kansas City at NEW ENGLAND -15
Tyler Palko is the KC QB. TYLER PALKO. I watch more football than any human being can expect to watch with getting divorced (more, probably), and if Tyler Palko were standing in my living room, I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea who he was. It’d be like Alan Keyes showing up at a GOP debate.
Enjoy the games!
Last week: 6-10